[00:00:21] Speaker A: If you dig the twisted, admire the outlandish, and are enamored by the unusual, you're in the right place. True crime, the supernatural, the unexplained. Now you're speaking our language. If you agree, join us as we dive into the darker side. You know, because it's more fun over here.
Welcome to Total Conundrum.
Warning. Some listeners may find the following content disturbing.
Listener discretion is advised.
Picture this. It's 1903. You're in small town Iowa, corn is king, and the scariest thing around is probably a squirrel that stares at you too long.
[00:01:09] Speaker B: Or the price of bread. I hear gluten was basically a serial killer back then.
[00:01:15] Speaker A: Exactly. And here you are, minding your own business, maybe baking a piece of. Maybe scaring off those shady looking squirrels, when suddenly, bam. A giant bat like monster swoops into town like it's lost its invite to Dracula's wedding.
[00:01:31] Speaker B: Yeah. Van Meter, Iowa. The kind of town where everyone knows everyone. And your neighbor is more likely to lend you a cup of sugar than call a SWAT team.
Not exactly on anyone's spooky places bingo card.
[00:01:46] Speaker A: I mean, if you ask someone, hey, would you expect to find a mysterious cryptid with glowing horns and wings that would terrify Stephen King himself? I guarantee Van Meter would not make the top 100 answers on family Feud.
[00:02:00] Speaker B: Nope. But guess what? This quiet little corn loving town got its own exclusive monster VIP experience.
Move over. Loch Ness, Iowa wanted a slice of that cryptid piece.
[00:02:13] Speaker A: And this wasn't just any cryptid. We're talking about a creature with bat wings, bulletproof armor, and a breast so stinky that it would make a skunk file a restraining order.
[00:02:23] Speaker B: Oh, and let's not forget the grand finale. A showdown in a creepy old mine shaft. Because when in doubt, always lure your monsters into a coal mine. Classic Iowa strategy.
[00:02:37] Speaker A: So buckle up, conundrum crew, because tonight we're going on a wild ride back to 1903. A year when the scariest thing should have been butter churn explosions and horse manure piles. But instead, Iowa got the Van Meter visitor.
[00:02:52] Speaker B: Grab your pitchforks and your garlic. Or at least your popcorn, because this one is going to get weird winged and a little bit stinky.
[00:03:01] Speaker A: You ready, Tracy?
[00:03:03] Speaker B: As ready as I'll ever be. Let's get this cornfield freak show started.
Okay, but before we get to our monster with the glow stick glued to its forehead, let's set the scene.
[00:03:15] Speaker A: Welcome to Van Meter, Iowa. Population around a thousand today. Back in 1903, even fewer people like you probably knew Your neighbor's favorite pie recipe. And exactly how many cows they had.
[00:03:28] Speaker B: And how many times they failed at making sourdough bread. No secrets in Van Meter.
[00:03:33] Speaker A: Exactly. It was the classic small town, Midwest vibe. Church socials, barn dances, and enough corn to make popcorn for the entire galaxy.
[00:03:43] Speaker B: Basically, if Hallmark needed a set for a new movie called Love in the Cornfields, this would be it.
[00:03:51] Speaker A: Oh, definitely. Picture it. Quiet streets, horse drawn carriages, people greeting each other with a well, howdy. Instead of dodging each other like we do at Walmart today.
[00:04:02] Speaker B: And you just know. Everybody knew each other's business.
Yes. Sneeze in the middle of the night and the next morning, the entire town's at your door with chicken noodle soup and a prayer circle.
[00:04:14] Speaker A: And into this peaceful, corn loving paradise comes a giant, smelly, bulletproof, glowing horned bat creature.
[00:04:21] Speaker B: Because why not? If you're going to make an entrance, make it memorable.
[00:04:25] Speaker A: So it's the perfect setup. A cozy town minding its own business. And then, boom, they get their own Cryptid. Cameo Iowa just went from boring and beige wallpaper to holy crap. Get the shotgun real quick.
[00:04:40] Speaker B: And folks, that's exactly what they did. But more on that in a minute.
[00:04:46] Speaker A: All right, let's jump into the main event. September 1903. The air is crisp, the corn's tall, and apparently the Cryptids are feeling extra frisky.
[00:04:57] Speaker B: Night one. A local businessman named UG Griffith is walking home after a long day. Probably thinking about dinner, his unpaid invoices, and why his horse keeps giving him attitude.
[00:05:09] Speaker A: Classic small town problems. Did I forget to pay the blacksmith? And why does Betsy look at me like she knows my secrets?
[00:05:18] Speaker B: Exactly. But suddenly, he spots a strange bright light bobbing and weaving between the rooftops.
[00:05:26] Speaker A: And this isn't some flickering lantern or lost firefly on steroids. This thing is gliding smooth like it's got VIP tickets to the rooftop tour.
[00:05:37] Speaker B: Griffith squints up, heart pounding, convinced it's a burglar or maybe the weirdest new bird in town.
[00:05:45] Speaker A: So what does he do? Naturally, he rushes inside and grabs his trusty shotgun. The classic Iowa home security system. Dog optional, Double barreled, mandatory.
[00:05:56] Speaker B: Then he runs back outside, ready to defend the town's honor, his pie, and probably his cow's emotional stability.
[00:06:04] Speaker A: But when he fires, guess what? Absolutely nothing happens. The light just keeps drifting along, totally unimpressed. Like, bro, did you really just try that?
[00:06:14] Speaker B: Honestly, Maybe the creature was just looking for the local Casey's General Store. And everyone knows you can't beat their pizza.
[00:06:22] Speaker A: Oh, great. Now I want pizza. Thanks, A lot.
[00:06:26] Speaker B: Seriously? We're talking about a terrifying monster from 1903 and you're thinking about pepperoni pizza?
[00:06:33] Speaker A: I mean, you said it yourself, you can't beat their pizza. If I were a giant bat creature, I'd skip the livestock and go straight for the cheesy pepperoni goodness.
[00:06:42] Speaker B: Too fair.
[00:06:44] Speaker A: Night two rolls around, enter Dr. Alcott. He's woken up by a super bright light shining through his window, which rude.
[00:06:53] Speaker B: Ever heard of knocking first, right?
[00:06:55] Speaker A: At least ding dong, ditch me before you blind me with that glowing stickhorn floodlight.
[00:07:01] Speaker B: Exactly. It's like blasting into someone's DMs without saying hi first. You gotta ease into it.
[00:07:08] Speaker A: Yeah, take me to dinner, ask me about my day. Then maybe you can shine a creepy glowing horn in my face.
[00:07:15] Speaker B: See? Basic manners. Even Cryptid should know them.
[00:07:18] Speaker A: I guess this Cryptid didn't learn etiquette 101. Well, the doc gets up to investigate, looks outside, and boom, he sees it. Big old bat wings, giant horn on its head, and it smells like a mix of sulfur and my gym socks after a high school baseball practice.
[00:07:36] Speaker B: Ew. That's like a chemical weapon.
[00:07:39] Speaker A: Naturally, Dr. Elcott does what any good small town doctor would do. He shoots at it.
[00:07:45] Speaker B: I'm noticing a theme here. When in doubt, shoot it.
[00:07:49] Speaker A: Exactly. But again, no effect. The creature's like, try again, Doc. And just flaps away into the night.
[00:07:57] Speaker B: Hey, at least they're consistent. Just like I'm consistent. If it's haunted, I say burn it down.
[00:08:04] Speaker A: Oh, I know. I'm pretty sure your solution to every paranormal problem is a match and some lighter fluid.
[00:08:09] Speaker B: And has it ever failed me?
[00:08:11] Speaker A: Well, we haven't tested it yet, but I'm 90% sure you're on at least three watch lists.
[00:08:17] Speaker B: Worth it. Well, on night three, Clarence Dunn, a bank cashier, hears noises coming from the bank. He thinks it's robbers because nothing says Iowa nightlife like a bank heist.
[00:08:30] Speaker A: He peeks in and instead of robbers, he finds our smelly bat buddy just hanging out.
[00:08:37] Speaker B: Dunn watches the creature leave and finds it left behind a super weird footprint. Three toes pressed into fresh cement like it was signing a guest book at a haunted Hollywood walk of fame.
[00:08:50] Speaker A: Imagine explaining that to your boss. Sorry. The bank's a mess because some big bat came in and ruined it. And the new sidewalks too.
[00:09:00] Speaker B: By this point, the whole town is on edge.
People started forming posses, bringing out their rifles, pitchforks and lanterns. Getting ready for some old fashioned Cryptid hunting.
[00:09:12] Speaker A: Gotta love that Midwest hospitality. Welcome to town. Have some pie. Also, please Enjoy this bullet.
[00:09:19] Speaker B: More like bullets for they shoot at it a bunch, but it does not phase the creature at all. This thing is apparently bulletproof.
[00:09:29] Speaker A: Or maybe it's just pulling a full on Superman. Bullets bounce straight off. But good luck finding a phone booth in 1903. And even if you did, it's probably a wooden box in the back of a general store.
[00:09:41] Speaker B: I would pay good money to see this glowing horned bat creature trying to quick change into Superman tights. Well, night after night, more sightings, more shots fired, and zero dead Cryptids, Iowa turned into a live action duck hunt game. But. But with a monster that refuses to go down.
[00:10:00] Speaker A: Honestly, it's impressive. At this point, the Van Meter visitor is like the town's uninvited party guest who drinks all the beer and won't leave.
[00:10:09] Speaker B: And that, my friends, is how Van Meter went from sleepy corn town to the setting of Iowa's weirdest glow in the dark horror story.
[00:10:18] Speaker A: All right, let's break this thing down like a crypted dating profile.
[00:10:22] Speaker B: Oh, here we go.
Likes moonlight flights over corn fields, scaring bankers and long walks into coal mines. Dislikes, bullets, soap and logical explanations.
[00:10:35] Speaker A: Hey, that's pretty good. Well, physically, it's described as around 8ft tall. So basically NBA ready if it could stop stinking up the court.
[00:10:44] Speaker B: It had these massive bat like wings, big enough to make Batman consider a career change.
[00:10:50] Speaker A: And the p de resistance? A giant horn on its head that glowed like a spotlight. Imagine a flying rhinoceros with a headlamp trying to find your campsite at 3:00am.
[00:11:01] Speaker B: Oh, and we can't forget that it smelled like sulfur. Or as Jeremy calls it, odoo gym bag circa 1990s. Or translated in English, toilet water gym bag.
[00:11:14] Speaker A: Listen, that was a play hard sweat, hard stink, bad kind of year, okay?
[00:11:19] Speaker B: Oh, I believe it. I bet your mom used to tie your gym bag to the roof of the car after a hot summer game.
[00:11:25] Speaker A: Yeah, and even then, the neighbors still called to complain.
[00:11:30] Speaker B: So what was it? Let's dig into the theories.
[00:11:33] Speaker A: Theory number one, it's a cryptid, Iowa's answer to Mothman. You know, just a chill local cryptid who accidentally terrorizes entire towns.
[00:11:44] Speaker B: Hey, maybe it just wanted a Casey's Pepperoni pizza and got lost.
[00:11:49] Speaker A: Great, now my stomach's growling. You realize you basically guaranteed we're ordering pizza after we wrap up this episode, right?
[00:11:56] Speaker B: I mean, I'm not mad about it. Research does show talking about monsters burns calories. And we should replace those with cheese and pepperoni.
[00:12:06] Speaker A: Exactly. And if the delivery driver shows up with glowing horns and bat wings. I'm still tipping them.
[00:12:13] Speaker B: I'll tip him double if he doesn't smell like sulfur and sweaty gym socks.
[00:12:18] Speaker A: Fair. No amount of mozzarella can cover that up.
[00:12:21] Speaker B: No, it cannot.
[00:12:23] Speaker A: Theory 2. An alien explorer who took a wrong exit off the Milky Way and ended up in Iowa thinking it was Mars.
[00:12:32] Speaker B: Honestly, I can't blame it. If you squint really hard, a cornfield at night might look like an intergalactic salad bar.
[00:12:39] Speaker A: Theory 3. Some people think it's an evolved prehistoric therasaur, like Jurassic park, but made it.
[00:12:46] Speaker B: Stinkier and glowier, which is somehow less scarier than Jeff Goldblum's chest hair in those movies.
[00:12:52] Speaker A: And then there's theory four. Mass hysteria. Maybe folks had too much moonshine, got a little carried away, and collectively invented a giant flying monster.
[00:13:03] Speaker B: Or just a really big mosquito that took CrossFit too seriously.
[00:13:08] Speaker A: Exactly. New personal record today. Lifted three cows in a tractor before sunrise.
[00:13:14] Speaker B: Regardless of which theory you buy, one thing's for sure, the Van Meter visitor made one heck of an entrance and possibly cleared out all the Febreze stock in Iowa.
[00:13:25] Speaker A: It was stinky, bulletproof, and left an impression so strong that people are still talking about it 120 years later.
[00:13:33] Speaker B: If that's not the definition of legend, I don't know what is.
All right, so after nights of failed target practice and stinky surprise visits, the town folks decided enough is enough.
[00:13:46] Speaker A: They tracked the creature down to an abandoned coal mine. Because when you're dealing with a glowing, bulletproof bat monster, the logical solution is to corner it underground.
[00:13:57] Speaker B: Yeah, nothing says excellent plan like forcing a monster into a dark, echoey hole where it has the home field advantage.
[00:14:06] Speaker A: And get this, they didn't just hear one creature down there. They heard they hurt too.
[00:14:11] Speaker B: Plot twist. Maybe it brought a date. Hey, honey, want to check out the charming small town Iowa nightlife? They have free bullets and pitchforks.
[00:14:21] Speaker A: So the town folks showed true Midwestern ingenuity, decided to smoke them out. You know, classic horror movie logic.
Really, what could possibly go wrong if we filled a dark mine with smoke and force out two flying death beasts?
[00:14:38] Speaker B: Honestly, it's like they watched Scooby Doo one too many times. Let's split up and drive them into this dark, clearly not doomed mineshaft.
[00:14:47] Speaker A: So they light up a big smoky fire at the entrance, hoping the creatures would come out and say, okay, okay, you got us.
[00:14:55] Speaker B: But instead, the creatures just vanished into the mine. They're never officially seen again.
[00:15:01] Speaker A: Iowa's very own close the hatch and Run moment.
[00:15:05] Speaker B: We'll be back after these messages.
Hey Conundrum crew, have you ever listened to an episode and thought, wow, I wish I could wear this level of chaos.
[00:15:16] Speaker A: Well, now you can. That's right. Total Conundrum officially has merch, hoodies, T.
[00:15:22] Speaker B: Shirts, mugs, stickers, everything you need to rep your favorite mystery loving, banter filled podcast in style.
[00:15:31] Speaker A: And the best part? Our signature cute pink brain is front and center, scratching its head just like the rest of us trying to figure out life's weirdest mysteries.
[00:15:40] Speaker B: Honestly, it's the perfect representation of our show. Smart, a little confused, and totally adorable.
[00:15:48] Speaker A: Just like me.
[00:15:50] Speaker B: Yeah, sure, Jeremy, let's go with that.
[00:15:56] Speaker A: Anyways, if you want to grab your official Total Conundrum merch, head to bonfire.com store total conundrum and get yourself something spooky, stylish and absolutely conundrum worthy.
[00:16:10] Speaker B: Because nothing solves a mystery quite like retail therapy.
[00:16:14] Speaker A: Available now while supplies last.
And back to the show.
[00:16:23] Speaker B: Exactly. Later, they sealed it up and slapped a Do not enter sign on it. Call it a day and go home for some tater tot hot dish.
[00:16:32] Speaker A: Yum yum yum.
[00:16:34] Speaker B: Yes, my favorite.
[00:16:35] Speaker A: Meanwhile, I like to imagine the creatures down there BINGE Watching early 1900s Netflix, you know, shadow puppet shows and Morse code soap operas.
[00:16:45] Speaker B: Or maybe they're still digging a tunnel to Disney World. Gotta get those season passes before the price hike.
[00:16:51] Speaker A: One thing's for sure. After that mine incident, the creatures pulled the ultimate ghost move. Vanished without a trace, leaving behind only.
[00:17:00] Speaker B: Footprints, confusion, and solid arguments against moonshine fueled posses.
Alright, so after the whole coal mine vanishing act, you'd think that would be the end of it. But nope. The Van Meter visitor still pops up now and then like an uninvited cousin at Thanksgiving.
[00:17:19] Speaker A: Exactly. People around Van Meter claim they still hear weird sounds near the old mine. Strange screeches, echoing bat wings, maybe even sounds of two monsters playing catch me if you can underground.
[00:17:33] Speaker B: And we're not just talking spooky noises. There are occasional sightings too. People report giant winged shadows flying overhead and mysterious glowing lights drifting around the mine entrance at night.
[00:17:46] Speaker A: Which, let's be real, could also be Greg from down the road testing out his new drone after too many bush lights.
[00:17:54] Speaker B: Totally possible. But the town they decided to fully embrace their stinky bulletproof buddy. Enter the Van Meter Visitor Festival.
[00:18:03] Speaker A: Oh yeah, this festival is like Comic Con for Cryptid fans, but with more corn dogs and less cosplay.
[00:18:09] Speaker B: Locals and visitors come together every year to celebrate the creature. The they have speakers Crypted merch Ghost tours. And probably at least one guy dressed in a glow in the dark bat costume handing out high fives.
[00:18:23] Speaker A: I thought they didn't have cosplay.
[00:18:25] Speaker B: They said less cosplay.
[00:18:27] Speaker A: Oh, they even have T shirts, statues, and all sorts of collectible souvenirs. You can basically get your own. I survived the Van Meter visitor mug.
[00:18:39] Speaker B: Or a shirt that says Iowa. More than just corn, we have monsters, too.
[00:18:44] Speaker A: The visitor went from local nightmare to beloved mascot. Like if Freddy Krueger decided to open a pancake house and sponsor Lily.
[00:18:53] Speaker B: I mean, only in the Midwest would a terrifying creature get turned into a reason to host a big, friendly block party.
[00:19:00] Speaker A: It's actually pretty heartwarming. Instead of chasing it out of town with pitchforks. Okay, they did try that once.
Now they sell plushies of it.
[00:19:09] Speaker B: Plushies that probably still smell like sulfur. But, hey, it's the thought that counts.
[00:19:14] Speaker A: So today, the Van Meter visitor is part local legend, part crypted celebrity, and 100% Iowa charm.
[00:19:22] Speaker B: Proof that even the stinkiest, glowiest cryptid can find love. As long as there's a festival involved.
[00:19:28] Speaker A: So, obviously, a glow in the dark demon bed isn't going to just slip quietly into urban legend territory without some folks poking around.
[00:19:37] Speaker B: Enter the cryptid hunters. Paranormal investigators and cryptid researchers have been making pilgrimages to Van Meter for years, hoping to catch a glimpse or at least get some new Tik Tok content.
[00:19:50] Speaker A: Some documentary crews even showed up, like the team from Expedition X. You know it's serious when you get a whole docu series dedicated to your stinky antics.
[00:20:00] Speaker B: For anyone who hasn't seen it, Expedition X is basically the part of the Expedition Unknown franchise where they ditch the normal travel vibes and go full spooky. They investigate hauntings, cryptids, and all of those. What the heck was that? Mysteries.
[00:20:17] Speaker A: Exactly. And they came to Van Meter because the story has everything they love. History, physical evidence, and a town that's still whispering about it more than a century later.
[00:20:28] Speaker B: One of the coolest parts. They interviewed a couple in Iowa City who had a more recent sighting. They were walking a path near the water in some tall grass when they saw a massive, dark, winged creature lift up out of the grass. It didn't just fly. It launched like it had been crouched there, waiting.
[00:20:48] Speaker A: Yeah, and the way they described it, this wasn't your average heron or Korean. The wingspan was huge, the movement was fast, and the whole thing had a I shouldn't be seeing this vibe.
[00:21:00] Speaker B: Then the team hit up the old brick factory runes near the mine. They Actually found bones and scat inside.
[00:21:08] Speaker A: Not just random bones either. Some look like they came from small animals, maybe even birds. And the scat suggested something had been nesting or feeding there fairly recently.
[00:21:19] Speaker B: But outside they found tufts of fur snagged on a fence.
[00:21:23] Speaker A: They sent it in for DNA testing and the results came back and inconclusive. It didn't match any local animals like raccoons, dogs or deer. Which means it's either something rare or something we don't have on the books.
[00:21:37] Speaker B: They didn't stop there. They went to the site of the old coal mine. The very spot where town folk in 1903 said the creature disappeared underground.
[00:21:47] Speaker A: And they actually dug into the ground near the entrance, looking for evidence the mine was still connected to the tunnels underground.
The soil sample showed voids, possibly air pockets. That could indicate that there is still deep, unexplored spaces down there.
[00:22:03] Speaker B: So the mine could still be hiding something. Or at least providing shelter to whatever was or is still out there.
[00:22:10] Speaker A: They also brought in Chad Lewis, the author, who's basically the Van Meter visitors historian.
[00:22:16] Speaker B: Yeah, Chad's been all over this case. Digging up original newspaper clippings, tracking down descendants of eyewitnesses, and mapping the creature's reported path through town. His work really ties the modern evidence to the 1903 reports.
[00:22:31] Speaker A: And then they talked to Russell Benedict, a wildlife biologist.
[00:22:35] Speaker B: The Batman of Iowa. He studied everything from little brown bats to big brown bats to species you don't normally see in the Midwest. He broke down why the visitor doesn't match the known bat behavior. And especially the whole glowing horn thing.
[00:22:52] Speaker A: Bottom line, Expedition X didn't catch the visitor. But they did find enough strange evidence to keep the mystery alive.
[00:23:00] Speaker B: Exactly. And cryptozoologists, those folks who make Bigfoot look like a local squirrel, have all sorts of spicy theories.
[00:23:09] Speaker A: So what did the cryptozoologists turn up when they actually visited Van Meter?
[00:23:14] Speaker B: Let's break it down. First off, the visitor is basically an ad hoc cryptid legend. Not just folklore, but one with physical evidence, repeatable reports and reputable witnesses. That right there is a cryptozoologist dream.
[00:23:30] Speaker A: Exactly. They looked into how consistently respected people described it. Eight to nine feet tall, smooth, leathery wings, a horn shooting bright light, immune to bullets, and always accompanied by a terrifying stench.
[00:23:45] Speaker B: And yes, the physical evidence is wild. There's that famous plaster cast of the three toed footprint. The bank cashier made tracks so odd, nobody's quite sure what to make of them.
[00:23:57] Speaker A: Cryptozoologists also dig into eyewitness interviews. Some witnesses Describe lights, screeches, a flight pattern that doesn't match any local animal.
[00:24:08] Speaker B: They looked at natural animal suspects too, like the great blue herons or the sandhill cranes. Tall, winged, they moved silently and in low light. They can look outright otherworldly, but none explain the spotlight horn or bullet resistance.
[00:24:26] Speaker A: Mass hysteria always gets floated as a theory, but cryptozoologists push back. Especially since these stories came from medical professionals, bankers and other solid folks put on the record in 1903.
[00:24:41] Speaker B: They also considered prehistoric relics, like remnants of pterosaurs from the early times. It's a fringe idea, but hey, cryptozoology is all about entertaining the weird and plausible.
[00:24:55] Speaker A: They dug deeper into the legend too. Chad Lewis and his team went digging into old documents, local lore and historical context, giving modern credence to what happened back then.
[00:25:08] Speaker B: He's basically the cryptid librarian of Van Meter. Archival sleuthing, family interviews, tracing the story's footprint in time. And he's way more credible than just some guy who said he smelt a farting ghost bed.
[00:25:23] Speaker A: You smell what the rocks got cooking?
All in all, crypto's geology hasn't confirmed the creature, but they've given it the attention and structure the story deserves. Making mystery feel real and not just campfire fodder. On the evidence front, I'm intrigued by the plaster casts of those weird three toed prints left behind at the bank.
[00:25:47] Speaker B: Wait, where can we see this? Is it in a museum or a local display? Do we need to book a field trip?
[00:25:55] Speaker A: That's the thing. Nobody knows where it is now. It might have been lost, tucked away in someone's attic, or accidentally used as a doorstop.
[00:26:04] Speaker B: So you're telling me the most physical proof of Iowa's own monster might be holding up some great grandma's pantry door right now?
[00:26:14] Speaker A: Pretty much. Or it's buried in a box labeled weird junk next to the baby teeth and a commemorative spoon collection.
[00:26:22] Speaker B: We need to start an official search party. Not for the creature, for the footprint cast. Priorities, Jeremy.
[00:26:30] Speaker A: I can see it now. Total conundrum. The hunt for the lost crypted doorstop.
[00:26:34] Speaker B: Everyone check your grandparents attic. If you find it, we'll trade you a T shirt and a shout out on the show.
[00:26:41] Speaker A: And maybe some Casey's pizza.
[00:26:43] Speaker B: All right, back to it. Let's not forget the old newspaper articles from 1903. These people documented the whole thing like it was the Iowa edition of tmz.
Local doctor attacked by stinky Bat demon. Exclusive.
[00:27:00] Speaker A: Yep, even the St. Paul Globe ran a headline about it on October 11, 1910 oh, 3. And keep in mind, this is before clickbait was a thing. They wrote, the town of Van Meter is terribly wrought up by what is described as a horrible monster.
[00:27:16] Speaker B: Terribly wrought up. That's old timey for completely freaking out, right?
[00:27:22] Speaker A: And then there's Des Moines Daily News article on October 4, 1903, where a guy named Mr. White described shooting at the creature. He says the bullets didn't hurt it. Instead, the thing turned its sights on him and blasted out a stench so bad it basically knocked him out cold.
[00:27:42] Speaker B: So, like a cryptid stink bomb, Iowa's first weapon of olfactory destruction.
[00:27:48] Speaker A: Exactly. I like that the newspaper just printed it like it was totally normal. Oh, yeah. A giant winged monster with a spotlight on its head gassed a guy with its smell. Anyways, on to the weather.
[00:28:00] Speaker B: Bob, it makes me wonder what the reporters were thinking when they wrote this. Like, was this just another Tuesday for them? Or were they secretly hoping the thing would fly over their office so they would get an exclusive?
[00:28:14] Speaker A: If they had TMZ back then, you know, they'd offer the Van Meter visitor a deal with a tell all interview.
[00:28:21] Speaker B: And a photo shoot with a centerfold spread titled Bad out of Hell, the Sulfur Years.
[00:28:28] Speaker A: So whether you believe it was legitimate cryptid, an alien explorer on a corn tour, or just a seriously confused bird, the visitor left a pretty solid paper trail. And a pretty smelly one, too.
[00:28:41] Speaker B: And even today, the lore still lives on in podcasts, documentaries, and those oh so fashionable Glow in the Dark T shirts.
[00:28:50] Speaker A: Proof that if you're gonna invade a small town, do it with style. And maybe a glowing horn for good measure.
[00:28:56] Speaker B: Okay, so we've covered the official theories, but, you know, we can't stop there. It's time for the real investigative journalism. The kind you can only get from two people who watch way too much sci fi.
[00:29:10] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, My personal theory is it's an alien who crashed in Iowa and decided to start a side hustle scaring locals. You know, intergalactic Airbnb, terrifying small towns for fun and profit.
[00:29:23] Speaker B: Or maybe it's just a time traveler in a really bad bat suit. Like he accidentally ordered his Comic Con costume from Wish the Ultimate.
[00:29:33] Speaker A: Oops. Wrong timeline moment. Imagine showing up in 1903 Iowa expecting a steampunk party, instead getting shot by the farmers.
[00:29:43] Speaker B: Another theory. Maybe it's part of a secret underground bat colony that decided to do a little moonlight tourism.
Guys, let's go freak out some humans tonight. Pack your glow horn.
[00:29:55] Speaker A: Or maybe it was a giant sandhill crane on steroids. You know, Those birds are terrifying when they get mad.
[00:30:02] Speaker B: True. Have you ever seen a sandhill crane Give you the side eye? That's enough to make you reevaluate your life choices.
[00:30:10] Speaker A: Then there's the idea that it was a marketing stunt for some traveling circus that went really, really wrong. Come for the bearded lady, stay for the sulfur scented nightmare.
[00:30:20] Speaker B: But let's be honest, if this thing were around today, it would a hundred percent have a dating profile.
[00:30:26] Speaker A: Oh, absolutely. Eight feet tall, loves long flights through the night, open to poly mineshaft relationships. Swipe left. If you don't like sulfur breath.
[00:30:36] Speaker B: Swipe right for mysterious footprints and surprise.
[00:30:39] Speaker A: Window visits guaranteed to ghost you literally.
[00:30:43] Speaker B: The possibilities are endless. And honestly, that's what makes the Van Meter visitor so fun. It's just mysterious enough to keep you guessing and just ridiculous enough to make you question what you're actually seeing every time you see a shadow in the yard.
[00:30:58] Speaker A: Exactly. Whether it's a cryptid, alien, weird bird, or cosmic prankster, it's carved itself into Iowa's legend forever.
[00:31:07] Speaker B: And into our hearts and nightmares. And possibly our nostrils. All right, conundrum crew, we know you've got opinions on this one.
[00:31:16] Speaker A: We want to hear your theories. Was the main meter visitor an alien who took a wrong exit a Krypton on a wild bachelor party?
Or just a prank they got way out of hand?
[00:31:28] Speaker B: Drop us a message, email or leave a comment on our socials. We might read your theory on a future episode. Or dramatically act it out if it's extra weird.
[00:31:38] Speaker A: Oh, speaking of weird, we actually got a few fan theories sent in already. Wanna hear them?
[00:31:44] Speaker B: Yes, please.
[00:31:45] Speaker A: I think the Van Meter visitor was just my late husband Earl coming back to find his dentures. He always did love flying at night.
[00:31:55] Speaker B: Wow.
Thank you, Mabel from Ohio. That clears everything up.
[00:32:01] Speaker A: Maybe it was a giant glow stick chicken from the future sent to stop humanity from inventing pineapple pizza.
[00:32:11] Speaker B: That is oddly specific.
[00:32:14] Speaker A: Beep boop. Visitor from advanced drone prototypes testing local fear response.
[00:32:21] Speaker B: Beep boop.
These came from our listeners.
[00:32:26] Speaker A: Absolutely. Totally legit. Straight from the department of madeup. But very entertaining cryptic facts.
[00:32:33] Speaker B: Right, because nothing screams authentic historial account like robot noises.
[00:32:40] Speaker A: Hey, you never know, maybe the Van Meter visitor was just Iowa's first AI experiment.
[00:32:46] Speaker B: Sure, and next you'll tell me it also has built in wi fi and a cup holder.
[00:32:52] Speaker A: Don't forget bluetooth. How else would it stream its intimidation playlist?
[00:32:57] Speaker B: Wow, I have no words.
[00:33:02] Speaker A: So keep em coming folks. We love hearing your twisted, hilarious and surprisingly creative takes.
[00:33:09] Speaker B: And remember the weirder the better.
[00:33:12] Speaker A: All right, conundrum crew, it's time for a little game we like to call.
[00:33:17] Speaker B: Would you rather Cryptid edition.
[00:33:20] Speaker A: Yay.
[00:33:22] Speaker B: Okay, Jeremy, first one's for you. Would you rather be trapped in a cave for 48 hours with the Van Meter visitor or have dinner with Mothman at an all you can eat buffet?
[00:33:35] Speaker A: Ooh, tough one. On one hand, Van Meter visitor smells like sulfur farts from a Satan's gym locker. On the other hand, Mothman probably spends the whole dinner staring at the dessert bar like it's a giant porch light.
So I'm going buffet with Mothman. At least I can eat my weight in breadsticks while he awkwardly flutters around the soft serve machine.
[00:33:58] Speaker B: Solid choice.
All right, would you rather get a surprise midnight visit from Bigfoot or get a glowing love letter from the Jersey Devil?
[00:34:09] Speaker A: Oh, wow. Midnight visit from Bigfoot. Sounds like an unplanned camping trip gone wrong. But a glowing love letter from Jersey Devil? That speaks Cryptid romance right there.
[00:34:20] Speaker B: Plus, I bet the Jersey Devil writes in glitter pen.
[00:34:24] Speaker A: For sure. I'm going with the love letter. I would even frame it and add it to my autograph wall.
[00:34:30] Speaker B: All right, one more for the road. Would you rather go on a haunted hayride with the Van Meter visitor or. Or take a road trip across the country with a chupacabra as your only travel buddy?
[00:34:42] Speaker A: Oh, man. Van Meter visitor on a haunted hayride Sounds like a non stop. Stinky jump scares. But Chupacabra? You just know he's going to eat all the gas station snacks and try to drink the car coolant.
[00:34:55] Speaker B: Plus, he'll probably insist on listening to goat bleeding ASMR the whole way.
[00:35:00] Speaker A: True. Fine, I'll take the hayride. As long as I can wear a hazmat suit.
[00:35:05] Speaker B: There you have it, folks. Play along and let us know your picks. And if you have your own Cryptid, would you rather question send them in?
[00:35:13] Speaker A: We might share them in a future episode. Or use them to emotionally scar each other on air.
[00:35:18] Speaker B: Either way, it's a win for everyone.
[00:35:21] Speaker A: So after all the shooting, stinky air raids and late night coal mine parties, the Van Meter visitor still lives on. Not just in Iowa legends, but. But in our imaginations too.
[00:35:33] Speaker B: Absolutely. This story has everything.
Mystery, weird footprints, questionable hygiene, and a town full of determined gun wielding farmers who just want to sleep in peace.
[00:35:46] Speaker A: And that's why it still captivates us today. Because deep down, we all love a good what the heck moment. Preferably one that doesn't involve bulletproof bats crashing through our windows.
[00:35:57] Speaker B: But hey, if you're feeling extra brave or you really love corn and cryptids, visit Band Meter sometime. Just watch out for those stinky airborne roommates and maybe bring some Febreze before.
[00:36:11] Speaker A: We vanish into the mine like a smelly glow stick bat. Don't forget to follow us on all the socials and subscribe to us on YouTube.
[00:36:20] Speaker B: Leave us a rating and review on your favorite podcast app. It helps us out more than a glowing horn in the dark.
[00:36:26] Speaker A: And if you've got your own weird creature encounters, ghost stories or questionable date app matches with cryptids, send them our way. We might share them on a future episode.
[00:36:37] Speaker B: Next week we're diving into the paranormal with a special guest, Dave from Midwest Spirit Seekers.
[00:36:44] Speaker A: That's right, we're talking real investigations, spine tingling stories, and maybe even a few behind the scenes moments from haunted locations.
[00:36:54] Speaker B: Dave's been to some seriously active places, so expect creepy tales, strange evidence, and tips for anyone brave enough to try a ghost hunt themselves.
[00:37:05] Speaker A: Brave enough? Please. I'm already planning my packing list, EMF meter recorder, maybe even a pizza for the road.
[00:37:14] Speaker B: Don't forget matches. Always bring matches.
[00:37:17] Speaker A: No matches. Stay at home this time. We actually want to get invited back, remember?
[00:37:23] Speaker B: Fine.
[00:37:25] Speaker A: Until then, stay weird, stay curious, and remember, if you see something flying at night with a glow horn and a bad attitude, maybe just let it pass.
[00:37:37] Speaker B: Or at least don't shoot at it right away. Iowa learned that one the hard way. Keep on creeping on. We love you.
[00:37:44] Speaker A: Bye out.
Thanks for hanging out with us here at Total Conundrum. Please make sure to check out our website and
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