Episode 28 - Flat Earth Theory

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Rake the twisted, admired the outlandish, and are enamored by the unusual. You're in the right place. True crime, the supernatural, the unexplained. Now you're speaking our language. If you agree, join us as we dive into the darker side. You know, because it's more fun over here. Welcome to total conundrum. Warning, someone. Greetings, conundrum crew. Jeremy here. And today we are stepping into the realm of conspiracy theories that are as flat as a pancake. Or so they say. That's right. We're diving into the mysterious world of flat earth theories. [00:01:14] Speaker B: Hold on tight, folks. We're about to explore a topic that's been turning heads and perhaps spinning them in a different way. [00:01:23] Speaker A: But before we launch into the cosmic unknown, here's a quick reminder to hit that like and subscribe button on YouTube. And for our amazing listeners on Apple or Spotify, drop us a five star rating. We appreciate the love from our flat and spherical earth friends alike. [00:01:41] Speaker B: And speaking of love, let's give a shout out to our podcast pals. This week, we're swapping trailers with the hilarious hot garbage podcast and the mysterious, weird, mythic podcast. Make sure to check them out. [00:01:56] Speaker A: Now let's talk about the earth. Is it flat, round, or maybe shaped like a cosmic pretzel? Tracy, any initial thoughts on the flatness of our beloved planet? [00:02:08] Speaker B: Well, Jeremy, I've heard the arguments, but I'm still not convinced. I mean, where's the edge? And can I get a ticket to the flat Earth theme park? [00:02:18] Speaker A: Excellent point, Tracy. Now let's address the elephant, or maybe the turtle in the room. I've got my flat Earth map and compass ready. We're setting sail on the flat Earth express. [00:02:29] Speaker B: All aboard the express to a world that defies gravity and common sense. Jeremy, have you packed your anti falling off the edge of the world parachute? [00:02:42] Speaker A: You bet, Tracy. It's a must have accessory for any flat Earth explorer. Now let's strap in, conundrum crew. We're about to sort to new heights, or lack thereof, on this flat out adventure. [00:02:55] Speaker B: Buckle up, conundrum crew. But before we deep dive into the strange, we're turning the spotlight on ourselves. It's time for some off the wall questions to reveal the quirky side of Jeremy and I. Whoa. [00:03:11] Speaker A: All right, if I were a ghost, Tracy, what do you think would be my go to haunting prank? [00:03:19] Speaker B: I think that's an easy one. You'd be the master of rearranging furniture just slightly off center so the unknowing person will surely hit their shins. [00:03:30] Speaker A: Guilty as jar. [00:03:32] Speaker B: The classic mindbender. [00:03:34] Speaker A: Tracy, if you're a superhero, what would your superhero power be? [00:03:39] Speaker B: I've got it. Teleportation. Because who has time for true, true. [00:03:46] Speaker A: Amen to that. [00:03:47] Speaker B: And last one. Jeremy, if you could travel, would you go to the past or to the future? [00:03:55] Speaker A: Oh, definitely past. I would marty McFly my ass back and buy that sports almanac. [00:04:02] Speaker B: Well, after this episode, I'll have to get on Facebook marketplace and find you a DeLorean because mama needs some new swag. Yeah. Stick around, conundrum crew. We're about to embark on a journey to the edge of the unknown. [00:04:19] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:20] Speaker B: We'll be back after these messages. [00:04:23] Speaker C: Top of the day, everyone. I'm Nisha. [00:04:25] Speaker D: And I'm Budap badass. [00:04:27] Speaker C: And we're the host of hot garbage true crime edition. Do you guys like true crime? [00:04:31] Speaker D: I really don't. I feel like you force me on this show every freaking time I come here. [00:04:36] Speaker C: Do you guys enjoy listening to victims and murderers and protest stuff? [00:04:43] Speaker D: People that are sick in the freaking head? That's who likes it. That's who likes it. [00:04:46] Speaker C: Well, if you like that kind of stuff, then you should totally check us out. I mean, every single Thursday, we drop the most hottest cases and we have fun while doing it. [00:04:57] Speaker D: You drop the most hottest cases, you drop murder and death. [00:05:00] Speaker A: Kill. [00:05:02] Speaker C: How many people can actually say that they have fun while listening to a true crime podcast? And I feel like that's what we do here. [00:05:09] Speaker D: So you're just not going to listen to me now? I'm just going to say this, and you're not going to listen to me. [00:05:12] Speaker C: Hey, you know what? Our listeners are not just our listeners, but they're our friends and our trash pandas. We love you guys. [00:05:20] Speaker D: There are a lot, and I will agree to that part, but I'm still just mad at you for just not talking to me. They're paying you this well to say all this. [00:05:27] Speaker C: So check out hot garbage on Spotify, Apple podcasts, anywhere that you listen to podcasts, check us out. Every single Thursday, a new episode drops. [00:05:37] Speaker D: I officially hate this commercial. [00:05:38] Speaker A: Awesome. [00:05:39] Speaker B: Real. [00:05:39] Speaker A: Hey, Tracy, how you doing? [00:05:41] Speaker B: I'm super califragilistic expialidocious. [00:05:44] Speaker A: Well, that sounds like you're doing good. What do we have for our fine listeners today? [00:05:50] Speaker B: Well, today, like you said, we're going to be diving into the flat earth theory. And we did. If you listen to last week's episode, we did an interview with Kevin from where the weird ones are, and we touched on this a little bit. So if you haven't checked that out, go back and listen because he gives us some pretty good theories on how and why it could be flat. But other than that, for news. Well, we are also going to be doing an interview with Jenny and we're going to be doing an episode on the Palmer House Hotel. She's a local paranormal investigator from Minnesota. So I'm super excited about that. [00:06:31] Speaker A: What group is she with? Tracy? [00:06:32] Speaker B: The TCP paranormal, Twin Cities paranormal. [00:06:35] Speaker A: Okay. [00:06:36] Speaker B: And she also worked at the Palmer house for a couple. That's exciting. Yeah. You know, she's going to have some good stories. [00:06:43] Speaker A: Yeah. She's going to have all the dirt. [00:06:45] Speaker B: I'm excited. And eventually, if Jeremy and I could ever get some time off, we want to go and stay at the Palmer house. [00:06:54] Speaker A: Yes, we do. [00:06:56] Speaker B: And it's only like 45 minutes from us. [00:06:59] Speaker A: It's not bad. [00:07:00] Speaker B: Not bad. It's just a matter of to book a weekend there, you have to book two nights. And that gets really hard with our work schedule. And when you got pooches too, you got to find a home for the pooches for the weekend. So we're trying to work that into our schedule and hopefully we'll get that done soon because it's something we've wanted to do for months now. [00:07:20] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. I want to go. [00:07:23] Speaker B: I do, too. And they're not open, like midweek. Even if we could find somebody for one night to cover one of our commercial locations, they're only open for extended weekends. So it makes it hard to collaborate our schedules with theirs. Right on. Right on. [00:07:44] Speaker A: Right. [00:07:44] Speaker B: But other than that, if you haven't already, go check out our merch. [00:07:49] Speaker A: Right round, baby. [00:07:50] Speaker B: Right round. Spinning right round. [00:07:54] Speaker A: You're goofy. [00:07:55] Speaker B: You're goofy. Somebody put a quarter into you today. If you haven't already, go check out our merch. Bonfire.com storetotalconundrum. I knew there was something in there. [00:08:12] Speaker A: You got it. [00:08:15] Speaker B: But do you have anything new for us? [00:08:18] Speaker A: I do not. [00:08:19] Speaker B: Other than it's fucking colder than hell here this weekend, that is for sure. Mother Nature finally is rearing her ugly head. But we really can't complain. We've had a pretty mild. [00:08:32] Speaker A: It's been pretty good, but I would like to keep it that way. I mean, let's get those 50s back. That was nice. [00:08:37] Speaker B: Well, tomorrow, sorry to inform you, it's supposed to be a high of negatives, I believe. [00:08:43] Speaker A: Yeah. Isn't it like negative 20? [00:08:46] Speaker B: The windshield is supposed to be negative 20 to 30 below. [00:08:49] Speaker A: See, I think it was like negative 20. And then windchill was like, negative 40. [00:08:54] Speaker B: Oh, then they changed it. [00:08:55] Speaker A: Merry Christmas. [00:08:56] Speaker B: I'm not leaving the house. [00:08:59] Speaker A: We have to. Or at least I have to. [00:09:03] Speaker B: No, I will come with you because I don't want you to be out in the cold by yourself. See what a wonderful wife I am? [00:09:09] Speaker A: You are. [00:09:09] Speaker B: I really are. [00:09:12] Speaker A: All right, miss super califragilistic espialadocious, what should we get into here? [00:09:17] Speaker B: Let's get into your flat earth theory. [00:09:19] Speaker A: All right, let's do it. [00:09:20] Speaker B: All right, let's do it. [00:09:22] Speaker A: So the first thing I want to ask is, is the earth flat or is it round? How do we prove it? [00:09:30] Speaker B: We just know it. [00:09:31] Speaker A: We just know it. Is there proof around that we could see with our own eyes? Flat earth theory, or one of the theories is that the earth is essentially a snow globe with the sun, the moon and all of the stars are within the globe, or what they call the firmament. They believe that the flat Earth is surrounded by ice walls which keep the oceans from spilling into space. Another theory is that flat Earth just keeps going on infinitely as they get past the ice walls. But you can't get past the ice walls because, well, NASA is guarding the area with automatic weapons. I know, right? It's just so Mark Sargent is a leading proponent of flat Earth conspiracy theory. Former software analyst turned youtuber with no education in any scientific field, Sargent works to convince people that the Earth is a flat disk with a giant wall of ice around the circumference, with an indestructible dome attached to the rim, making it a closed system. He references the movie the Truman show. Often here, he does not believe there is a sun or a moon, but instead lights attached to the dome. Sargent alleges all the world governments have been lying about the shape of the planet and that NASA faked the Apollo program. So despite all of the scientific data, over the course of 2000 years, science hasn't really proven anything. Mark's ideology seems to change depending on who he is talking to at the time. He seems only to ever answer a question with another question. Because none of his flat earth ideas work. Nor do any flat Earth ideas work. [00:11:27] Speaker B: Well, exactly. Because if we were put inside of a dome for, say, like, if we are living in a snow globe, then why the hell is Minnesota so cold? Somebody turn up the damn thermostat. [00:11:39] Speaker A: Well, I might be able to answer that in my own flat earth. [00:11:43] Speaker B: Ooh, you're going to have your own flat Earth. [00:11:47] Speaker A: Yeah, you'll have to pay attention for that. All right, the earliest documented mention of the concept of a spherical earth dates back to the fifth century BC by the greek philosophers. In the third century BC, Hellenistic astronomy established the roughly spherical shape of the earth as a physical fact and calculated the Earth's circumference. Mark's sergeant and his flock of flat Earthers were invited out to watch a test being performed at the largest lake in California, where they would send out a boat with a board with horizontal lines across the board. The scientists wanted to show them that the further the board got to the horizon, you would physically see the lines on the board appear to disappear from view as it started to follow the curvature of the earth. They were able to see this experiment with their own eyes, plus through a camera, in true, Mark Sargent fashion just said it couldn't be true without explaining why it couldn't be true. [00:12:52] Speaker B: He said it couldn't be true without explaining why it couldn't be true. [00:12:57] Speaker A: Pretty much, yes. So Mark responded to the reporter for National Geographics. She states, this is where it gets dangerous for me. This theory is trying to bring us back to the dark ages. We're essentially perpetuating ignorance by denying the science that's there a real life implication in all this. Mark responds to this by saying the science has had its chance and they aren't putting up a defense. He believes this idea could usher in a new golden age of thinking or bring chaos. [00:13:32] Speaker B: Well, yeah, you're going to usher in a new age of thinking or bring chaos because you're thinking like a mentality of a two or three year old. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yes, it is. [00:13:44] Speaker A: Yeah. Sounds like something a supervillain would say to Superman. Either believe what I believe or I'll destroy it all. [00:13:51] Speaker B: Exactly. Couldn't have put it better. That's perfect. [00:13:54] Speaker A: That's a scary notion there. [00:13:56] Speaker B: That certainly is. [00:13:57] Speaker A: So math Powerland is known to be the first proponent of this new flat earth movement. He was asked to be a part of the documentary behind the curve. He had a few stipulations before he would agree. He wanted to receive $5,000 and 12% of the profits. Also, creative control, a guarantee that he would be featured in 25% to 50% of the film and that we would support his unverified claim that Mark Sargent is secretly a Warner Brothers executive using an alias. Math believes that the Warner brothers and other media outlets are all working with the government to cover up that the earth is round. Needless to say, the documentary said they were unable to meet his demands. [00:14:45] Speaker B: I wonder why. [00:14:46] Speaker A: Yeah. Weird, right? [00:14:48] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:48] Speaker A: Powerland's flat earth theory differs from Mark Sargent's. His flat earth is infinite. There are no borders, no rims, where you could just walk off the edge of the earth right into space. [00:15:02] Speaker B: So kind of like a concept of a video game. That's open world? [00:15:06] Speaker A: Pretty much, yeah. [00:15:06] Speaker B: You go over to the end. [00:15:09] Speaker A: Even open world has borders at some. [00:15:11] Speaker B: Point, though I suppose you can't really cross into those areas at. [00:15:15] Speaker A: No, no. [00:15:16] Speaker B: So we're living in a video game in his idea, pretty much, except for we can fall off the edge in his. [00:15:21] Speaker A: Yeah. And yes, that is just another theory, that there is no biodome. [00:15:27] Speaker B: And who paid? If there is a biodome, who paid for this biodome? [00:15:31] Speaker A: The government. [00:15:31] Speaker B: And how the hell do you create a biodome that's big enough to cover all of these countries and continents? And that's insane. [00:15:39] Speaker A: Well, if you asked a flat earther, they would say they don't know. That's their theory. [00:15:48] Speaker B: Because I said so. [00:15:49] Speaker A: Because I said so. It has to be. That's how it has to be. There is also a theory that Earth is a donut. So I guess at least flat Earth has many options. [00:16:00] Speaker B: Is it chocolate glazed or jellyfilled? [00:16:02] Speaker A: Just glazed. [00:16:03] Speaker B: You know, just a plain glazed boring. [00:16:06] Speaker A: With a big hole in it. [00:16:07] Speaker B: Well, at least it has glaze. I mean, it could be better plain than nothing, right? [00:16:11] Speaker A: Yeah, plain donuts just suck. What does your theoretical flat earth look like? Even Mark's own mother asks, why would they cover it up? Seems to only respond with, I know, I know. It also appears that Mark, at 49 years old, still lives with his mom. [00:16:37] Speaker B: Let me guess, in the basement? [00:16:40] Speaker A: Pretty much, yeah. Mark and one of his flat Earth followers performed a couple of their own tests to prove that the earth is flat. However, all their experiments only proved the opposite. Mark Sargent and Patricia Steer and David Weiss hosted a podcast called Flat Earth and other hot potatoes. A podcast that talks about flat earth theories and other conspiracy theories started in 2015 and ended in 2019. This was when Patricia steer banished from all social media platforms, podcasts, and YouTube, deleting all the content that was created on her channel. I think the question we all want to know is, what happened to Patricia? Did she discover concrete evidence of a flat earth and feared for her safety? With this knowledge, did the government take her to a lab in New Mexico somewhere to perform mind control on her, to quiet her up? Some theories were that Patricia was a shapeshifter and her eyes were very reptilian, as she stated in the documentary. Maybe she turned back into a lizard, scurried away. We may never know, folks. Oh, well. It's believed that there are 6.5 million people in the world who believe in a flat earth, including some famous people. AJ styles, tila tequila. [00:18:12] Speaker B: Tila tequila. [00:18:13] Speaker A: Bob Draymond Green and more. So now we're going to talk about the Dunning Kruger effect. [00:18:21] Speaker B: I don't know what that is. [00:18:22] Speaker A: I don't really know what it is either, and I have it in my notes, so now I just got to talk about it. So the phrase Dunning Kruger effect refers to the findings made by psychologists David Dunning and Justin Krueger in their 1999 study. In it, Dunning and Kruger compare participants actual skill level to their perceived level. Their findings revealed one central truth. It takes competence to judge competence. So, as John Cleese, the british comedian, once summed up the idea of the Dunning Kruger effect as if you are really stupid, then it's impossible for you to know you are really stupid. My flat earth. All right, now we're going to get into it here. This is going to be good, I think. [00:19:16] Speaker B: Is this your created flat earth? [00:19:17] Speaker A: This is my created flat earth. Okay, so imagine you're living in a dome. The sun is really just a large light bulb. The heat of the sun, the giant light bulb, is really just a furnace with invisible ductwork that heats up the earth. The reason this works is that they can just open and close off the vents in the ductwork. Regionally, depending on where you live on the earth. The government has created four seasons and time zones to confuse us and keep us from knowing the real truth. Basically, the spring, summer, fall and winter, all just computer generated weather effects. Weather does not really exist. I mean, think about it. If a tree falls in the woods and nobody's around to hear it, does it still make a noise? Wrap your head around that one, people. Now let's talk about time zones. Do you really believe the sun, the moon, and the stars move around the spherical planet? Of course not. [00:20:21] Speaker B: They do. [00:20:22] Speaker A: That's just another government conspiracy. Basically, the sun, the giant light bulb, and the moon light on a dimmer switch are connected to the center of the dome, and they rotate on a pendulum to give the effect of the sun rising and setting. Pretty smart indeed, but I'm not fooled. So one half of the dome will be day and the other half will be night. So, as the sun and the moon turn on the pendulum on the side that is starting to get dark, what they do is slowly raise a black blanket over one half of the dome and the other blanket has those little glowinthedark stars attached to it. [00:21:02] Speaker B: Brilliant. [00:21:03] Speaker A: I know. The moon charges the stars so they glow. Each side of the dome has its own star pattern blanket to give it the illusion that people on the other side of the equator are seeing different stars. I mean, clearly, you can see this with your own eyes, right? That's why it takes so long to get completely dark. Takes many hours for the blanket to get to the top of the dome. [00:21:27] Speaker B: So who's the idiot that's got to sit there and go Jing zing to pull a blanket up? [00:21:32] Speaker A: Well, Bigfoot, of course. Get with the program. Tracy also explains perfectly why Alaska and Antarctica have those weeks of 24 hours, daylight and nighttime, depending on the season. It's because the blanket drops and rises way slower because of the way the blanket is rigged to the dome. [00:21:55] Speaker B: Oh, it's not? So people can actually take off and have a vacation so they don't have to raise the blanket. [00:21:59] Speaker A: No. Okay, now let's talk about NASA and all the scientists that think the world is a globe. Imagine you have government elites who control NASA, which is like their flat Earth army. NASA then controls the entire scientific community, their soldiers. They want to believe in the globe so much that they pretend to shoot rockets into space. Like that could be a thing. Come on. Basically, what happens is NASA sends these rockets up to the top of the dome, and they fly out of a trap door at the top, never to be seen again. Then they Photoshop all these images of astronauts on the moon. I know what you're thinking, what you're going to say, but Photoshop wasn't around when the Apollo moon landing took place. That's what they want you to believe. Boom. Mic drop. I think I have proven my point. Not only have we been lied to about the earth being a globe our whole lives, but in investigating this flat earth theory, I came across many other things that are not as they seem. Be prepared to have your mind blown as I tell you about things that you have been told all these years that are not real, even though many have documented proof, it is all swept under the proverbial rug. I now know why, and I am about to share these top secret items I discovered with you. Hold tightly onto your hats, peeps. I am about to blow your minds. First, I came across top secret paperwork. It was in a vanilla envelope with the words top secret written in vanilla or vanilla, whatever. [00:23:44] Speaker B: Well, you know it's legitimate. If it's in a vanilla envelope, does it smell and taste good with the. [00:23:49] Speaker A: Words top secret written on it in crayons. This top secret document was found deep within a government facility middle school locker. Inside was a document describing the SSS, the submerged surveillance syndicate. This government agency is strictly an underwater operative. Let's dive into this underwater super secret spy initiative one Nessie's subaquatic surveillance. Loch Ness, the beautiful scottish lake, isn't just home to the mythical creature. It is one of the main headquarters for the SSS, the submerged surveillance syndicate. Nessie, with her long neck and mysterious presence, isn't necessarily trying to hide. She is just blending in as the perfect cover for a highly advanced government submarine equipped with state of the art surveillance technology. Wondering about other lake monsters you may have heard of. Peppy Bear Lake monster? Yep. All part of the SSS. [00:24:54] Speaker B: So you're saying that in the super secret, top secret government cran written documents, they're saying that, nussie, the lake monsters are actually submarines? [00:25:07] Speaker A: Yep. They're all part of NASA's cover up. [00:25:10] Speaker B: OMG. [00:25:12] Speaker A: I know, right? [00:25:13] Speaker B: Well, what's next? [00:25:14] Speaker A: Well, you got the Kraken command center. [00:25:18] Speaker B: Kraken? [00:25:18] Speaker A: Yeah. You ever heard of the Kraken? [00:25:20] Speaker B: Yeah, it's a big sea monster. [00:25:22] Speaker A: Well, so they say. [00:25:24] Speaker B: What? [00:25:24] Speaker A: Ever wonder why sailors told tales of the mighty Kraken dragging ships into the abyss? It is not folklore, but it is nothing more than a distraction technique. The Kraken is a colossal underwater command center for the SSS. It coordinates the movements of COVID submarines and monitors global communications through its impressive tentacle based antenna system. However, if you ever cross the SSS, you will not cross the part of the ocean where the command center resides. It will send a tentacle up from the deep to bring the ship and the crew down to the depths of the ocean. No one knows if they are brought into the command center or if they just forever reside as a relic on the ocean floor. [00:26:14] Speaker B: That's so funny, because in our interview with Kevin, do you remember he was talking about if people were in boats, getting close to the ice walls, how it was almost like a creature was like stirring up the ocean and trying to bring them down? [00:26:33] Speaker A: I do remember that. [00:26:34] Speaker B: Maybe the Kraken command center is legit. [00:26:39] Speaker A: Could be. Oh, my God. You just don't know these things. [00:26:44] Speaker B: You don't. [00:26:45] Speaker A: So, the next location. The mysterious Bermuda triangle. Labs. The Bermuda triangle isn't just a location known for mysterious disappearances. It is the location for the top secret underground labs where the SSS manufactures and maintains the lake monster submarines. The anomalies that occur in this area are believed to be the side effect of the government's underwater experiments gone astray. [00:27:12] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. [00:27:14] Speaker A: Scary, right? [00:27:15] Speaker B: Yes. [00:27:16] Speaker A: Leviathan listening ports. The ancient tales of the Leviathan, a colossal sea monster with impenetrable scales, were actually sightings of the Leviathan listening ports. Advanced underwater facilities designed to eavesdrop on international conversations. Why the impenetrable scales got to be safe from the torpedoes, you know? Of course. [00:27:44] Speaker B: I love this. [00:27:46] Speaker A: Next we got the mermaids and mermen. [00:27:49] Speaker B: You're telling me they're not real either? [00:27:51] Speaker A: No, they're not, baby. Aka deep cover agents. Contrary to popular belief, mermaids aren't mythical beings. They are highly trained operatives in sleek aquatic suits, keeping a watchful eye on the coastal activities. [00:28:07] Speaker B: We'll be back after these messages. [00:28:10] Speaker E: Hello, my friends. My name is Naomi, and I am the host of weird mythic podcast. It is a podcast all about that strange and unusual things that are not easy to explain in this world. Talk a lot about cryptids, everything from the bunyip all the way to Bigfoot, Puckwoody, thunderbirds. You name it, I'll cover it. Go ahead and listen to weird mythic podcast anywhere. You get your podcast fix. I hope you tune in soon. [00:28:42] Speaker A: What about the hypnotic songs? They are actually coded messages sent back to the SSS headquarters. So next time you hear tales of sea monsters and mythical creatures, think twice. It might just be the deep sea maneuvers of the SSS. In the heart of the dense forest, towering mountains, and mysterious swamps, a covert government operation is weaving a web of intrigue and espionage under the codename Legendscape intelligence. Li. [00:29:12] Speaker B: All right, hold on here. Before we move on to this other covert operation. How can you break my heart like that? First you ruined my childhood with the Mandela effect, and now you're telling me that mermaids aren't real? [00:29:25] Speaker A: I didn't do it. You can't blame me. [00:29:27] Speaker B: This is your flat earth theory. [00:29:29] Speaker A: This is the government we're talking about here. [00:29:31] Speaker B: Oh, that's right. In the locker. The middle school locker with the crayon on the Manila envelope. Got it. [00:29:37] Speaker A: I'm pro cryptid here, okay? [00:29:42] Speaker B: You're just reading this. Super secretive. [00:29:45] Speaker A: This is a top secret document that I found. [00:29:47] Speaker B: That's right. [00:29:48] Speaker A: In a locker at a middle school. [00:29:51] Speaker B: Someone's breaking my heart and ruining my childhood even more. Here. [00:29:55] Speaker A: Yeah, it could be that third grader that I stole. Mean, I am an information truth seeker. [00:30:05] Speaker B: You are. You really are. [00:30:07] Speaker A: All right, well, let's get back into this here. [00:30:09] Speaker C: All right? [00:30:09] Speaker B: I'm sorry. [00:30:10] Speaker A: Okay? Forget about Bigfoot being a mere creature of folklore. He, alongside other cryptids, is actually a highly trained operative blending seamlessly into the natural world to keep tabs on unsuspecting citizens. Bigfoot's stealth recon. Bigfoot, with his massive footsteps and elusive nature, is able to appear and disappear in a matter of seconds throughout portals. Isn't that a mythical forest dweller? He is the ultimate field agent for Li. His enormous size allows him to carry state of the art surveillance equipment, ensuring that no wilderness secret goes unnoticed. Next, you have the Chupacabra crypto command. [00:30:57] Speaker B: No, it's the Chupacabra cha cha. [00:30:59] Speaker A: No, not this one. Not. Wrong story. [00:31:00] Speaker B: Damn it. [00:31:01] Speaker A: Yeah, the notorious chupacabra isn't a blood sucking legend. It's a sophisticated crypto commander overseeing the inter cryptid network with its ability to traverse both land and air, which I don't know how chubacabra flies, but okay. The Chupacabra coordinates and the movement of COVID agents and relays information to hidden government bunkers. [00:31:27] Speaker B: Well, he's a sly little shit, isn't he? [00:31:30] Speaker A: Oh, he's a devious one. So next we got the Mothman. You've heard of the Mothman, right? All right, he's actually a night watchman. Yeah. Mothman, with its glowing red eyes and uncanny ability to predict disasters, is the nocturnal guard of the LI. So what about the ominous sightings of Mothman before tragic events? He is just ensuring the safety of the cryptid operatives and their classified missions. [00:32:00] Speaker B: Oh, he's protecting all of them. [00:32:02] Speaker A: Yeah, but they're the bad guys, remember? [00:32:04] Speaker B: Yeah, that is true. [00:32:06] Speaker A: They're repressing. [00:32:09] Speaker B: I like. I like our world, cryptids. [00:32:12] Speaker A: Yeah, I do too. [00:32:13] Speaker B: I mean, they can be sinister and evil and stuff. [00:32:16] Speaker A: They could be. They could eat you. Well, he ate me, actually, I did. Predecessor did. So, Yeti's himalayan hideout. High up in the Himalayans. The Yeti is more than a legendary snow creature. It is the guardian of a secret government facility. Yeti agents use the snow covered terror to conceal advanced technology. Get close to a facility, watch out that Yeti will cause an avalanche to keep you far away. [00:32:54] Speaker B: Well, that's not very nice. [00:32:56] Speaker A: Rude. That's what I say. Rude. [00:32:58] Speaker B: Rude. [00:32:58] Speaker A: Yeah. So next we have the Thunderbird aerial recon group. Those majestic sightings of the thunderbirds soaring through the sky aren't just native american folklore. They are part of Project Ally's aerial reconnaissance division. These massive avion agents monitor the ground from above, ensuring no covert activity goes unnoticed. [00:33:23] Speaker B: I wonder if they ever get mistaken for the Mothman. Could be, since they say the Mothman looks like the chicken. What the heck is that bird called now? I'm, like, mind blocking it. [00:33:37] Speaker A: Yeah, we only got like 1500 around our neighborhood. [00:33:40] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. I'll think of it. [00:33:41] Speaker A: Yeah, we'll figure it out. [00:33:42] Speaker B: Go on. Sandhill Crane. Yes, I got it. [00:33:46] Speaker A: All right, so the next is the Skinwalker infiltration unit. The mysterious skinwalkers aren't shifting navajo witches. They are part of the infiltration unit of the project ally. Their ability to assume different forms allows them to seamlessly blend into their surroundings, gathering intelligence without raising suspicion. So now my question is, what is really going on at Skinwalker ranch? [00:34:15] Speaker B: That puts a whole new twist to it, doesn't it? [00:34:18] Speaker A: Question mark, question mark, question mark. [00:34:20] Speaker B: Exclamation, exclamation, exclamation. [00:34:23] Speaker A: Well, folks, that is my story. [00:34:27] Speaker B: That was so fun. You are so good at creating that. I'm going to say fic. I love it. [00:34:49] Speaker A: All right, well, do we have any parting news or parting messages for these fine folks? [00:34:56] Speaker B: No, just that our next episode, we're going to have Jenny from TCP paranormal, which is going to be super exciting. [00:35:03] Speaker A: Can't wait. [00:35:04] Speaker B: And I think that's it. We've been pretty boring with news lately, you guys. All right, we need some stories. We need some interactions. People. Go out to the socials. Give us some things to chat about. [00:35:18] Speaker A: Yeah, hit us up. [00:35:20] Speaker B: We love hearing from you all. Email us. [email protected] or we're most active on Instagram and Twitter. And yeah, hit us up. We want to hear from you. But I guess until next time, keep on creeping on later. Love you. [00:35:40] Speaker A: Love you. Bye. Thanks for hanging out with us here at total conundrum. Please make sure to check out our website and [email protected] for news, upcoming events, merch, bloopers, and additional hysteria. You never know what will pop up. So be sure to follow along. If you want to show your support for total conundrum and gain access to all of our bonus content, please visit our Patreon page. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. The links are available in our show notes. If you have any questions, comments, recommendations, or stories to share, please email us at [email protected] episodes are available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. If you like the show, please rate, review, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. We appreciate the love. Keep on creeping on, Mother cluckos diamond.